I'm up again!

I can do it. I'm going to make 2010 my bitch! I've already called for my funding, now I need to do my applications. Get everything in order! I also need to find a freakin job. I mean, OMG! I will be doing evenings at my moms work, so thats a few dollars I suppose. Not so bad its REALLY BORING though. OH OH OH! OMG okay so my stepdad's friends have had some drama, and apparently my family is thinking that the person who I gave my resume to, didn't hand it in out of spite towards the drama. I didn't get the reception job I wanted. I really wanted that job, I would've been good at that job. It sucks because ugh, just like omg fuck you you know. Everyone there wanted me to work there because I was already apart of the family atmosphere. Oh well there will be other jobs I suppose. ANYWAYS it's like, quarter after two. I should sleep!


WISH ME LUCK IN FINDING A JOB AND SCHOOL!

Uuuuh,

WHAT AM I DOING???


Do I HONESTLY think that I'll get ANYWHERE in life with a degree in fine art & photography. WTF am I thinking, holy shit. I'm stupid, I wont get a job or anywhere in life. I'm not motivated enough!!!

Stupid, I need something more practical. Yeah, fuck. OMG STUPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPIIIIIIIIIIID.

This, vs that. Idk

College vs University....Degree = anywhere. Diploma = more schooling...Yeah, Idk which one to do. Also, jobs OMFG it is so hard to find a job around here. What's a girl to do to get a job, give head or something? Honestly, its stupid. I might go apply at the eye doctors here in town, its 2 days a week. Eh, I have the experience for it. I just need to save money, and be able to buy myself the things I need to buy. I swear if I cannot get a job I may as well kiss school g'bye, because I need money BEFORE I can get money from my rez and shit. Ugh, stupid anyways. Just, frustrated at the fact that I cannot find a damn job. The ones that are there, you gotta be oh so fucking qualified for them, or a license or yada yada I dont have. Anyways, I should go on that site again & try to find meself one.

Been awhile

Uh yeah, its been awhile. Still on the hunt for a job, I really need a job and it seems when I really need one there isn't one so it really sucks! Ah, fuck. I've applied at a few different places but I'm steering away from places where there would be a contract in place because then I'd be stuck with it and I don't want to promise something that I wouldn't be able to keep seeing as how I'm going to be applying for school next fall. I'm still searching and I will be applying at different places maybe I'll get hired before the Christmas Rush or something. Who knows right? Well yeah, I'm still leaning towards Graphic Design, simply because there IS a Photography course every semester and that is what I would like to do with my life. I really hope that everything goes through with the people thinking of moving there, if not then I will apply for a dorm. It would cut down on the cost of living and its closer to campus which is a good thing, of not then I believe we are going to look for a house to rent. So I'm really looking forward to next year, like I said in my other blog. Loads of changes are coming my way. Good ones I hope!

Uh, blah.

Worked last week, was nice. Got a nice small cheque out of it. I need to find a stable job though, something I'd like to do. Hmph.

So I've been telling more people about my plans for school next year, which means I will have to follow through with it! I'm just scared, that it wont work out and I'll fuck up again. I've already taken 3 other courses and never got past the 1st semester. Just worried that I'll end up a complete fuck up and I wont end up ever doing anything with my life - its a big worry of mine, so much so that I worry myself to tears over it. Sad right? So I do hope that I'll have a rockin support system to keep me moving forward with everything. I also need to keep myself moving forward, its hard when you dont have the motavition to do it yourself. Gotta find it somewhere I suppose. Gah.