I dont know what I wanna do with my life!!!

How do I find my passions?

I know what I like, but I'm not sure if I like those things enough to make it my life calling. I want to go to school next year and take a course in something that I'm going to like enough to make it what I wanna do with my life. It sucks, cause some people know what they love to do and they go out and do it and do it for their entire life. I'm scared that I wont find it, that I'll find something and like the last 3 times in school, fail and not like the course and waste 4 months of my life. I dont want to waste anymore time, I wanna find what I love to do and do it. So how the heck do I go about finding that? How do people know? I just want, to be happy and love what I'm doing. I'm watching Kenny Chesney, and hes doing what he loves and what hes talented at. I dont know what I'm talented in! If I knew what I loved doing I wouldnt be 22 and writing this blog right now. I'd be out doing it, I'd be happy doing it as well. Is there like, a quiz or something online that I could take? Cause I would love to do what I love doing, if I knew what that was. Alright, so I love to bake but having baking be something I'm doing for life? I'm not so sure. I love children but I took that ECE course and hated it. I like make-up and hair, I took cosmotology in high school and loved it. Maybe I'm meant to be a SAHM? I'm happy doing laundry and doing dishes. I wasnt happy doing it while housekeeping. I hated cleaning up after a lot of people. I'm just not sure, what I want to do. I think I might go try to find a quiz online that will tell me what I should do with my life.

Mistakes & passions.

We all make mistakes. We also learn from those mistakes, I've made mistakes. I've made some really stupid ones, those ones are the ones that I've learnt from and its made me who I am more or less. I've slept with people that I maybe wouldnt not have if I wasnt drinking so much. Maybe if Iwas a little happier in my life, I wouldnt have drank so much. I did though, but I learned that drinking while fun, isnt so fun when its all the time. Having sex also fun, but more fun when you're in a relationship and in love with someone. I've also learned that I'm 22 years old, I'm still going to make mistakes and hopefully they're not as stupid as they were before. I've also learned that there are good people out there, who wont run away when you tell them something "scary" and that they will be there still when you turn around. I was reading a blog earlier, well watching a video on Kandee's blog. That girl, has so much light and passion inside of her. She is doing what she loves, its something that brings so much joy into her life. I want to find that, that joy that passion for something that I love doing. I just dont know what it is, or how to find it. I mean, a job is a job. I want a career, which I would love doing for the rest of my life. How do I find it, how do I go about figuring out where my passions lay and my talents? I was told that writing is something that I seem talented in, but I'm not sure. I just wish I knew what I wanted to do. Some people have it so easy, they are born to do something.
Me, I wonder "what was I born to do?"

Figuring out my life? Perhaps.

So basically, the other night I stayed up a little late. Chatted with a friend of mine, trying to figure out my life. Like, if I want to go away to school next year. If I would like to apply for that job, if I'd be "right" for it or if I should apply for another job.

I like feeling like this where I feel like I'm making progress in moving forward in my life, with work/school. I really hope that those plans to go through, I mean going to school with a friend & cousin I'd have a support system there with me. I'd have people around, who do party but not often like, we'd be able to actually concentrate on school and everything without having a 24/7 party going on which is something that I would really rather not have. I've done the whole, "party" thing and failed my ass in school. I dont want that again, I've failed because I didnt try hard enough, I hope that this time. I actually pass because I like the course, and because I'm with like-minded people, working towards the same goal. Graduation + Diploma. I still have a few months to think things over, school-wise. Work wise, I gotta get my ass in gear! I'm still on vacation for now though, so I have about a week to apply for those jobs. Growing up, who said it had to be fun?

To apply, or not to apply. That is the question

This one is just cause I'm on a roll. Haha

So, apparently my stepbrothers have been telling my mom that I should apply at where they're working. It pays well, around $20 an hour, I'd be working some swing-shifts, I mean its not exactly what I want to be doing its working with younger teens to mid-teens in a youth home. They like it, but I've seen my stepbro stressed to the max from that job. I do need a job, and it pays real well I know I'd get the job seeing as how they got the job (I have both stepbrothers working there, plus a family friend) without any previous expierence in that field. I'm thinking I should take it, but I'm scared that I'll bail out on it and hate it and ruin any chance I have (had) on wanting to go to school, or even work with youth ever again. Its a little scary, theres a few other places hiring that I might be intrested in, so I think I might send in my resume at those places and then when I get back home apply at the youth home. I'm not sure that I'll love it, but even as scared as I am to take the job, and hate it. Wouldnt it be better if I found out now, instead of when I shell out money for a course that I'm going to end up hating? Maybe I'll actually like the job, who knows. I think I'm gunna talk to both of them about it, see what the ups are like, and what the downs are like as well. Like, the stress levels and whatnot. Just not so sure yet, I need more information before I can make a decision, if I want to apply for that job or not.

Jobs?

So, I'm on "vacation" for another few weeks, gives me time to try & find a job that I might be into. I'm not really a person who wants to work in the retail industry, or be a waitress. I was doing reception but then the person I was filling in for, came back to work. That job I liked, it was fairly easy and all my old co-workers were really nice it was like working in a family type of environment everyone knew each other and even a few of them were related somehow. I'd like to work in a workplace like that again. I know where I don't want to work, so that leaves very few choice places to work. I've been looking online for a job, on the job site but the stuff posted that is there I'm either not interested in, or I'm not qualified for the job. Either way, I need a job by September one that is long term and that I wont completely hate. I am enjoying the vacation that I'm on, its not a real vacation by any means. I basically just skipped town for 2 months to "live" down at my grama/auntie's place. My mom thought it'd be good for me to "enjoy" my summer, though what I'm doing here, I'd be doing at home. Its the same stuff, different place. I haven't got to do much, other than going to camp and to Sudbury once in awhile. If my cousin didn't have her job I'm sure there'd be more to do, but since I don't have a way to get myself around (I need my license) I'm kinda stuck. I barely even visit next door, I love them but I'm a little bored of all the gossip & such. I honestly, cant wait to get home. I miss my bed so much. Ah well, I suppose I should enjoy these last 3 weeks here since I wont be back this way for another year or so, and I wont be spending 2 months here more like 2 weeks or something.

A little bit more.

Yeah, growing up. It sucks but it has to be done, right?

I've grown up, I've made my mistakes and I'm learning from them. Learning that I'm quite happy single, not totally happy but happy enough! Learning that, I need a job cause, being jobless sucks. I did have one, but my "job" moved on me, I was babysitting full-time which I loved, my neice is my world. What else have I learnt, oh, that I have no clue what I wanna do with my life. I wish I did, but I've taken 3 different college courses, and none of them were ones that really clicked with me. So I'm still I guess, figuring out what I'd like to do I've tossed around ideas like, something like, Dr. Drew or maybe a Native Community Worker. I just, I'm not sure.

I think I've got a long way to go before I'm "grown up". I think this is it for now, having a hard time thinking of something to write right now.

Growing up

Its a part of life, right? So why are people so hesitant to do it? It comes naturally to some, and to others like myself not so much.

I'm 22 years old, its about time I grow up. Its also time I get some sleep. Haha.

I'll finish my thoughts like, tomorrow or something.